The Advent Conspiracy

by Alan R. from Imago Dei Community in Portland, OR

My Grandma Agnes is 95 and lives in a facility for people with
Alzheimer’s. Last year the family really wanted to spend time
together with her on Christmas day. However, a dozen relatives
dropping in for a visit could be pretty overwhelming for her. Talking
with Grandma had become difficult. Her medications were getting her
down, and her memory was failing. Would she remember us? What would
we talk about? How would we celebrate? Would this feel like a
celebration for her, or for anyone?

There was also the question of a gift. The family isn’t obsessed with
them, but it is nice to celebrate Christmas by exchanging gifts. It
sets it apart from other holidays. Some Christians see gifts as a way
to commemorate “Jesus’ birthday.” Others see them as a reflection of
God’s generosity. Either way, what’s the “perfect gift” for that
special 95-year-old? How many poinsettias does a person need?? Gift-
giving has become a commercial distraction from the Christmas story,
and sometimes a burden for both giver and receiver as they celebrate
Christmas the only way they’ve ever known.

Imago Dei Community had been exploring alternatives to buying gifts
as it prepared for Advent. We attended a wonderful craft fair where
people demonstrated ways to make gifts. We also received a cartoon
book about relational giving that sparked the imagination, and people
began to share creative ideas such as writing a poem, or making a
meal for someone, or taking them on a trip.

For someone in Grandma’s situation, receiving a handmade gift might
not work out so well — she might not “get” it or have a way to keep
it. And if it felt obligatory to make a gift, or if one couldn’t
dream up an idea or find the time to make it, then it could still
feel like a burden to the giver. We realized that we didn’t need to
create a gift to wrap up. What we needed was to create a way for the
family to be together with Grandma to celebrate Christmas. A way
that, if she was having a hard day and didn’t remember us or feel up
to talking, we could still enjoy the holiday together, including
Grandma.

Something we could count on her remembering was the Christmas story
and the songs that went along with it. She’s a church pianist herself. She’ll still play “Trust and Obey” for anyone who’ll let her. I couldn’t help but think of how much she’s shared music as a gift. My wife and cousins and I decided to play Christmas songs together as our gift for Grandma Agnes.

To our surprise, when we arrived, the nurses showed us to the dining
hall — with a grand piano! Grandma was brought in, and when the
music began, the sound of the piano, guitar, and horns filled the
space. The rest of the family sang. Grandma sang, too. Other people
heard the music and wandered in to join us. One woman cried. I had to
look away. I couldn’t play if I started to cry!

The family wants to do it again. A new tradition has begun, and it’s
one I’m happy to be caught up in. I’m so thankful to God and the
community for all of this.